I am just so down about everything lately I had one good day with good readings lets call it good day I had numbers in range for the entire day was so happy, excited thinking this is the end of the bad numbers no more worries I have got it sorted it out.That was all short lived next morning woke up with a high mood turned to anger, hate all I wanted to do was ripe my hair out then follow the questions what happened? What went wrong? Did I forget about my levemir? So I check my dairy I did take it!
Then I eat breakfast my levels get higher then they were before what? Why? how? When? I have just eaten the same boring breakfast I eat every morning so I don’t have to count the carbs. I go about cleaning and doing odd jobs to get my levels down but I feel very exhausted and fed up so fed up I cant be asked to go out what’s the point I will probably go low and have to stuff my face like an animal, friends calling me saying lets meet up this day and that day but I just don’t have the urge or energy anymore all I want to do is stay in the house.
The other day my meter showed my readings as HI first time ever after 23 years with the evil monster as I now like to call it worry was the second thing that came to my mind right after ketons so I check thank god they are a low level, take some more insulin and get a whole bottle of water drank it in less then 15 mins check again 27 point something or the other fill up my bottle of water and head for my bed and have a good old moan. At this time I feel so out of it very sick I promise myself I won’t let it get to the stage I end up in hospital and kept doing test and when it got to 15 mmol I fell asleep so exhausted, worn- out and everything else but I still did wake up with a hypo at 4am I could not get out of bed I know what the professionals say have something sweet and some sort of carbohydrate but they don’t live with diabetes 24/7 so I ate five jelly babies and fell asleep again but I did wake up with a good reading the next morning.
I think all this is being cause by the pain in one of my molars so I make an emergency appointment with the dentist go over there but I am still feeling so out of it because of the night before and hate going there as all they ever give is bad news.In mind and expecting bad news I go into the room tell the doctor about my evil monster (diabetes) and gum disease that’s been caused by the evil monster, he then takes a look and exams my mouth said something about fillings and a deep clean plus my molar being taken out, I am in the state of shock my tooth is getting taken out will they put something there when they take it out, he informs me no and asks if I want to go ahead and take the tooth out I am like I would rather came back another time and just have everything done in one go, get through the unpleasantness over and done with so lucky old me has something to look forward to unlikely.
Wednesday lunch time I have to eat a proper meal as I will be on the dentist chair for an hour and being diabetic and all we can’t have me going hypo now can we.
Just tired of it I am doing everything I can but nothing seems to be going right and to top it of no one understands as they don’t have the evil monster to share their daily tasks with, they don’t have to worry and always have it in the back of their minds, they don’t have to carry so much equipments around because of the damn evil monster.
But I am stronger then that and I was given the evil monster because I am like the numerous individuals already diagnosed and will be diagnosed with the evil monster because we have the strength and determination to fight this evil monster into submission sooner or later, so no matter what it throws at us we have to bring our armour along with us at all times.