Same name different experience!

When everyone hears diabetes or diabetic they get a vision but most people don’t see the difference.I mean on the market there are loads of different medications, meters, foods and loads more that I cant think of whilst blogging, diabetes is something so different for every person who has it for example I could be on a certain type of insulin and another person right next to me could be on the exact same insulin but our results would be totally different its not like we can expect every singer to sing in the same tone or for the weather to be the same everyday that we wake up.

So how come people have this idea that every diabetic is going through the same issues it’s not brain surgery of course we all different we come from different backgrounds, nationalities and even religions could it really be that we are all going to go through the same journey? I think not just because so and so`s levels are better does not mean that I am not doing my best just because someone has this problem does not mean I am going to have it, just because I am having problems with levels does not mean someone else is.

Yes we have medications that are tablets, injections and even diet, yes we exercise.Yes we check our sugar level and that involves blood, we all have things we like and hate, we talk in a language that you might not understand at times but we speak other languages you might understand. We come in all shapes and sizes it’s just about talking to us “diabetics” and finding out how we feel, how we deal with it.

We all have a disease that has the same tone, meaning but when it comes down to it the experience is so different, the people behind the disease are all diverse we all have different careers, minds but we all have one dream or hope for a cure.

All I all just because the name is the same the experience are nothing similar for each and every person when it comes to diabetes because life is not the same for each individual on earth.

Friendship

My best friend honestly is the best person in the world she has made me smile so many times about my diabetes never thought that it would be possible when it came to it.

One time it was me and her went out for some things can’t remember what for but I was having one of those days that I would go low every couple of hours and I would check so she said I wish that I was diabetic as well, my jaw dropped and I said that I would not wish it on my worst enemy let alone my best friend she then went on to say that she understood but how much fun it would be checking our levels together and having to take our insulin at the same time.

She made me smile but I still said that I would not ever wish it on anyone ever as it`s like a life sentence something that on my min d 24/7,that makes life that little bit harder.

Then another day it was hot and we both met up with a friend that had come down after such a long time most of the day my levels where alright expect one time, while they were looking at some sweets from our country I was checking my level and then saw that I was hypo took a glucose tablet and she asked me how are your levels? She saw I didn’t think she did figured she was more interested in the sweet I then explained how I was low she goes then you should eat that sweet stuff in the bag your carrying, which I had forgotten all about lol.

I was so surprised I was like you know the difference didn’t think you would, she then went on to explain of course I know if you’re low you obviously have to eat something to bring it up and if you’re high I do not think it’s a good idea to eat something as that will take it higher.lol

I am in aware I am like people that I live with still don’t understand the difference she then went on to say that it’s her job to understand as she is my friend so that she could know what to do if the worse was to happen.

Then the rest of the day I was like wow, shocked, surprised but realised the importance of friendship when it comes to diabetes and how nice it is to talk to someone about it.

Dear Diabetes.

Well what should I start with there is a lot that I can write about,more bad then good but you have always been there at the back and even at the front of everything at times. Just wanted to say that you have made my life what it is to be honest because of you I am now a stronger, smarter and most importantly a survivor. Since the first day you came into my life we have had a non-stop battle your try and bring me down but I came back even stronger and more determined, you try and isolate me but I have made friends from all over the world.

At times I have spent more time trying to bring you down from as high as you have taken me but have always managed to climb down or even slide down the stairs and even then you try and push me over the edge by going down as low as you can go trying to make me feel belittled and fed up but you will not win till I gasp my last breath of air. I also wanted to say thank you yes you heard thank you for making me look after myself from my mind to my toes along with my insides and outsides because I see how some no diabetics don’t bother looking after themselves but I do and mainly because of you, I want to say thank you for the great friendships that I have made without you I would have never made some life long friendships it does not matter that we don’t live near each other or that we have never met before all that matters is we are dealing with you.

Because of you I had to mature a lot quicker then most people, learn to say no and stick at it plus learn to ask for help when I need it, furthermore I learnt that just by listening to my body instead of every person who opens their mouths I could learn key facts about my body.I never thought I would say thank you to you and you’re properly shocked but I have said it now so deal with it oh nearly forgot wanted to say thank you as well for being the perfect excuse at those awkward moments when I needed to get away you are brilliant at those times as people who don’t have knowledge about you would not dare to question. Still I have not forgotten the bad times having blood test after blood test and the bloody daily injections are all your fault but I have learnt to deal with them and made a schedule to help me keep you under control, you thought I would give up after those dkas well you thought wrong and the carbohydrate counting you thought I would surrender as I hate maths and numbers well guess what wrong again had friends and professionals to help me as well as equipment like scales to help me figure it all out, the major something I can never forget is the worry that you impacted into my mind and heart of what damage that you will cause.

Last but not least I will never forgive you or allow you to control me but one thing I know is that we are in this life together until there is a cure, don’t smirk there will be a cure sooner or later and when it comes we will depart you will go to the ends of the world and I will enjoy life without you or the other one is when I die, honestly I hope you do go to hell because I pray that I will go to the heaven furthest away from you…Then we will see who is smirking!

About me.

The other day a friend I was talking to who is also diabetic, I was telling her about a research that’s going on with diabetics and that we can make some money out of it and she told me she does not like talking about her condition it upsets her.
I was in shock what? Why? She then went on to tell me how she feels embarrassed talking about her health, I just did not get it as it’s a subject I love to talk about seeing as I know so much about it.
Maybe its because she was diagnosed later on in life and I was diagnosed at a very early age but she turned down the research and that little bit more spending money me being surprised went on to listen to her saying I was brave to be able to talk to others, WHAT I get nervous and my voice changes sounds like I am crying,but if it comes to diabetes and talking about it I find it quite easy so I was surprised to see that since I started blogging that I have not really said a lot about my diabetes and how it came about to be honest so I decided to get it out there in the open now.

Ok here goes it was 23 years ago since I was diagnosed the diagnosis took place in India and at this time I was the tender age of 2 years old and my mum was there with me holding her hand as well as being pregnant with my little sister so everything was going well my mum doing her hair and beauty course that she’s been wanting to do for years then when her daughter starting losing weight so fast needing to go to loo as well as drinking more water then 4 adults.

She was no longer that lively, chatty, independent yet clingy toddler she was now underweight and not keeping anything down constant urination as any mother she started getting worried took me to hospital as quickly as she could. Waited for hours and hours for a doctor to just turn us away even though my mum knew something was wrong but what more can a mother do when she is turned at the door, waited a day or two by now the rosy cheeks had disappeared and skin was hanging from my tiny bones still drinking water like its running out or something resulting in sleepless nights so when it came to it another hospital visit was made in the middle of the night we came across a different doctor she took a close look and one smell from my breath and told my mum to travel to the childrens clinic all the way on the other side of town.
To my mum the journey seemed like it was hours and I was unconscious, we was told to go to the other hospital as they didn’t have the equipment to treat me so we got to the hospital unconscious, fragile and unable to move my mum sick with worry carried me to the nearest doctor and told her that the doctor said something about diabetes.
The test seemed to take millions of year’s blood test after blood test, drips after drips still unconscious and unable my mother made a prayer to God to put me out of my misery and even at times thought that I would not make it alive seeing as I had lost so much weight, lost my colour and was not in any condition.

After sometime or days I had opened my eyes and the first words to come out of my mouth was “ mum…Can I have some water please“ so unaware of everything I had gone through or put my mother through, she informed me that she thought I would never make it alive let alone grow up to be a young lady that is so hardworking,mature, helpful and able to take anything that life throws at me.
So all in all I owe so much to my mother she has been a rock so strong and on the way has made me into a strong diabetic female,she really is an angel.

Don’t they know?

Usually I am a happy, cool, calm and collected individual but lately I don’t have the energy for most things a young adult should be able to do as well as enjoy.

No one seems to understand the pain from my molar does not only reside there it goes from there to my brain making me ache, from the molar deep to the veins making me wonder if all the other teeth are going the same way or is it the pain creating all these questions and throbbing.

It also disturbs my sugar levels making me have higher levels for most of the day and because of them high readings making the pain worse then anything, then I don’t want to eat because of the pain making me go low at this stage I am hungry want to go to the kitchen and pick up the nearest thing and stuff it into my mouth but this mania wont leave my mind its taken a place right near where my diabetes.

I don’t have the power to do all the chores that I used to do without any effort since I am tired, in pain and can’t stop worrying. I feel the pain but no one near me understands they think I am over the top but they don’t know the pain and everything else that I deal with on a daily basis, I guess its true what they say you can’t really deal with something you can’t see or feel.

I make the effort to talk but I get the feeling that they think I am just being a drama queen or even blaming me for it, the others are so wrapped up in their own lives that I don’t even have the energy to explain things millions of times, but the tender words and support of some wonderful people make the rest go to the back of my head.

I miss my friends and getting ready to go out but now a days I feel its safer to be at home where I can deal with the pain and not have to let people know about everything that’s going on, it does feel like everything is passing me by but health is far more important then just going out.

I made an appointment at the dentist an emergency one I went over explained how I was type 1 and have pain in my molar, he then took a look and explained how I would need it taken out along with needing a deep clean because of my gum disease with a few fillings so if I wanted he could take my tooth out now.
What? I was in shock he wanted to take it out now so I said I would rather they made me an appointment and come back and get it all done at the same time, thinking it wouldn’t be an appointment as soon as possible seeing as I was in pain and a diabetic but they made an appointment for nearly 3 weeks after my emergency appointment!

Don’t they know I have pain in my tooth keeping me from sleeping, eating or living a healthy life? Don’t they know I have diabetes and need to keep my sugars stable by eating right? Or is it because they all understand but don’t really care?

Is it time to give up?

I am just so down about everything lately I had one good day with good readings lets call it good day I had numbers in range for the entire day was so happy, excited thinking this is the end of the bad numbers no more worries I have got it sorted it out.That was all short lived next morning woke up with a high mood turned to anger, hate all I wanted to do was ripe my hair out then follow the questions what happened? What went wrong? Did I forget about my levemir? So I check my dairy I did take it!

Then I eat breakfast my levels get higher then they were before what? Why? how? When? I have just eaten the same boring breakfast I eat every morning so I don’t have to count the carbs. I go about cleaning and doing odd jobs to get my levels down but I feel very exhausted and fed up so fed up I cant be asked to go out what’s the point I will probably go low and have to stuff my face like an animal, friends calling me saying lets meet up this day and that day but I just don’t have the urge or energy anymore all I want to do is stay in the house.
The other day my meter showed my readings as HI first time ever after 23 years with the evil monster as I now like to call it worry was the second thing that came to my mind right after ketons so I check thank god they are a low level, take some more insulin and get a whole bottle of water drank it in less then 15 mins check again 27 point something or the other fill up my bottle of water and head for my bed and have a good old moan. At this time I feel so out of it very sick I promise myself I won’t let it get to the stage I end up in hospital and kept doing test and when it got to 15 mmol I fell asleep so exhausted, worn- out and everything else but I still did wake up with a hypo at 4am I could not get out of bed I know what the professionals say have something sweet and some sort of carbohydrate but they don’t live with diabetes 24/7 so I ate five jelly babies and fell asleep again but I did wake up with a good reading the next morning.

I think all this is being cause by the pain in one of my molars so I make an emergency appointment with the dentist go over there but I am still feeling so out of it because of the night before and hate going there as all they ever give is bad news.In mind and expecting bad news I go into the room tell the doctor about my evil monster (diabetes) and gum disease that’s been caused by the evil monster, he then takes a look and exams my mouth said something about fillings and a deep clean plus my molar being taken out, I am in the state of shock my tooth is getting taken out will they put something there when they take it out, he informs me no and asks if I want to go ahead and take the tooth out I am like I would rather came back another time and just have everything done in one go, get through the unpleasantness over and done with so lucky old me has something to look forward to unlikely.

Wednesday lunch time I have to eat a proper meal as I will be on the dentist chair for an hour and being diabetic and all we can’t have me going hypo now can we.

Just tired of it I am doing everything I can but nothing seems to be going right and to top it of no one understands as they don’t have the evil monster to share their daily tasks with, they don’t have to worry and always have it in the back of their minds, they don’t have to carry so much equipments around because of the damn evil monster.

But I am stronger then that and I was given the evil monster because I am like the numerous individuals already diagnosed and will be diagnosed with the evil monster because we have the strength and determination to fight this evil monster into submission sooner or later, so no matter what it throws at us we have to bring our armour along with us at all times.

About to go to sleep,kind of tired.

About to go to sleep,kind of tired.

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